How are you? again, it’s been a while. Sorry, will work on that. So just like all of you, I’ve been in quarantine for the past two months. It’s been 70 days now, I believe! I’m very lucky that I got to spend this time with my family, inside my home. My heart goes out to all the people that had to spend time outside their country, or alone! Stay strong, it’s almost over.
It’s getting easier here, and we slowly are going back to normal. Yesterday was my first day back in school, and it was exciting yet scary at the same time. We all had to wear masks, obviously, it was so weird seeing everyone again, after such a long time. We never really said goodbye before quarantine, so it was a bit strange, because nothing has changed, yet everything has changed. I felt like everything was unreal, like I was watching a movie through somebody else’s eyes- getting on the bus, walking to my school from the bus station, walking inside my school’s hallway, sitting inside my classroom… I was only there for a few hours, to take a test in biology, but it was still weird as hell.
Well, but I’m actually here to talk about other things. Firstly- QUARANTINE. You, yes you, how was your quarantine? did you take a good care of yourself?
I could definitly say that I didn’t. Yes, I took care of my skin, cleaned my room, and submitted my school work. Not having exams stright up made the whole experience easier. However, I never had time to do the things that I really like and am passionate about. I kept wasting my time on Netflix and TikTik, beating myself up whenever I did something before my school work. Even though I wasn’t dealing with school as much, I was dealing with my family. They contantly got on my nerves, and dealing with them caused me a lot of stressed. And there were my thoughts.
I find it quite amusing how much power your thoughts have over you. They create your reality, your future and your past. They can go from making you the happiest person on this earth, to the lonelist you’ve ever been. While I was living normal life, before this whole corona mess, they didn’t bother me as much. Sure, I was still thinking of course, but I was too busy to stay focused on the contant of my thoughts for too long. It was too noisey. Life went by quickly, day and night. I would brings myself down at times, or pick myself up, but it will all happen so fast that by the next day I would forget about everything. But when you’re constantly alone, when you have no distractions or background noise to keep them out, you have no choice but to let them in.
I was always told that I have a brilliant imaginathin, that I should be a story teller. I remember that when I felt lonely in middle school, I would imagine a whole new world, that revolved around me. In that world I had friends, I was funny, pretty, smart. People had interest in me. I would always turn to that world when I needed it, but sometimes I went there too often, and it started to mix with my reality. During quarantine, the same thing happened to me again. Well, more or less.
My thoughts weren’t as happy and creative as they were in middle school. I no longer imagined a whole new world- but I changed the one that I was living in. I took in my reality- my friends, my family, even myself- and imagined it all again, accourding to the mood that I was in. If I was sad, I would think of how awful my life is- how mean my friends are, how much they don’t care for me… I would also built my future in my head, based off of these thoughts- my life would be a mess, I would keep on failing, etc. I would also think of stuff that I didn’t want to think of, such as what it would be like when my grandparents, parents or even my dog died. I would imagine most of this at night, so for a good month and a half I would cry myself to sleep each time.
I wasn’t easy getting myself out of this state of mind, and still up to this day I sometimes start crying out of the blue because I thought of something terrible. My parents or friends don’t really know about this, which made it so much more difficult- not having someone to talk to. But I started to get better slowly. first I realized that something was wrong. I decided to start journaling. I wrote in my journal every single day- first the small things, such as what I did that day or what I had for lunch. But then I started sharing whatever was on my heart, and it felt so much better. I felt like someone was listening to me, but without trying to give me advice or tell me what is going on with me. I could also go deeper into how I was feeling, because it was just me- no one could ever take that information and use it against me. I also started writing poems and songs, and I played my ukulele and guitar quite often. I even got a pen pal to keep me company 🙂
What I’m trying to say is, I made it. I found ways to help myslf, and by sticking to my techniques and routines I made it work. I wasn’t feeling ready yet to start writing in my blog until now, so.. I’m back? I always say that but I don’t think I ever really do come back. Well I am now. I’m gonna try to. During all of the thinking I did, I also came to a realization- literally, anything could happen at any given moment. If you tried to talk to me five months ago, I would have never believed you that a fricking pandemic is gonna shut the whole world down. But here we are. So I decided that even though I’m in year 11, and life is stressful as heck, I should still find some time to do the things that I truly enjoy and love doing. Writing in this blog is one of them. Creating music is another.
So, here’s me inviting you to join me. see this as a new “welcome to my blog” post. Stick around if you’d like so see and read more of what I’m up to- I promise you that I would most definitly keep this thing alive now. I also created a new instagram account- @oceangirl.blog – follow me there! I would love to talk with you, and I will let you know there whenever I post something new.
Please check in with yourself, and do whatever you can to help you. You are important. Feel free to share down in the comments what is currently going on on your mind, and how you handled quarantine (or how you’re still handling it).
Much love, and take care.
P.S. The back camera on my phone broke!! All of the pictures in this blog are quite old lmao 🙂